Philophobia
Lunchbreak came.
I was having lunch with Katou and Takagi as always. The location is the classroom; Katou and I are in our own seats, Takagi is borrowing Mai’s seat. As for why, it’s because Mai finished her lunch quickly and is currently being the schoolyard’s flower1. Although that being the case, she’s a flower that rampages about though…….
Our school’s school buildings consist of roughly two buildings; they’re divided into the classroom block and the special block. What connects the two buildings, is a passageway at the end of the first floor of the respective buildings.
The classroom block is three storeys high, and the first floor is made up of the six first-year students’ classrooms from A-class to F-class. It’s the same on the corresponding upper floors as well, the second-year students on the second floor and the third-year students on the third floor……that’s how the individual standard classrooms have been set up.
And then, the schoolyard can be seen clearly from this window of the Year 2 C-class that’s on the second floor.
While we, who finished eating our lunch, are slowing sipping on our juice box, we’re watching Mai, who’s rampaging in the schoolyard……let me take that back, Mai, who’s joining in on the softball practice.
“That fellow, she’s joyfully throwing the ball huh……”
The softball club is taking their positions at this side of the schoolyard. Over there, Mai is wearing the school tracksuit……rather, she’s wearing shorts and short sleeves sportswear and playing catch with the softball club’s members.
Although the section on the other side diagonally from there is equipped to be able to be used as a baseball field, the baseball club occupies that spot. It’s lunchtime now, so nobody is using it though.
“Looks like she’s really having fun huh, Kanzaki Mai-san. I’m a bit……envious”
Takagi’s body is frail. It’s to the point that I can say that he observes most of the physical education lessons on the sideline. I think it’s natural for such Takagi, to direct envious gazes at Mai, who’s a physical monster. Or rather, even I, who’s a perfectly healthy child, am jealous of that fellow’s physical prowess!
As we’re looking, Mai switched from the glove to the bat.
Bunn!
It’s a very energetic practice swing that feels like even the sound that cuts through the wind is about to reach over here along with the wind. She releases her right hand and follows through with just her left hand.
As opposed to her upper body that finished tensing up and her twisted hips, her breasts are a step behind those movements. I wonder how exactly is the moment of inertia functioning on those gigantic breasts……?
If I remember correctly, the moment of inertia is proportionate to the object’s mass, and the moment of inertia increases the more mass there is distributed outwards……. No, no, that’s the general theory on the moment of inertia of a『rigid body』.
But, have a look at that! I can tell that they’re carrying the softness that feels like it’ll make the onomatopoeia, ‘Purun’, appear in the background. There’s no way, that such tender and soft boobs are a『rigid body』!
By the way, regarding the moment of inertia of a rigid body, I researched it during the course of grinding racing games. My beloved car, ～Eagle(Taka) Special～ was a hard-core drift set-up. Furthermore, Eagle(Taka) is a wordplay on the Taka from Takaomi!
……of course I know it. I know it, you know?
The fact that women wear undergarments known as brassiere, and they’re actually pretty stiff, especially those that women with large breasts wear, because they’re fitted with wire and whatnot to maintain the shape…….
There are events where a man, who bumps into a woman at a corner and falls in a way that he becomes entangled the woman, ends up fondling the woman’s breasts and goes,『Uwa～, a woman’s breasts are so soft huh～』, the so-called,『Lucky Pervert2』events, but in reality, they aren’t that soft above the bra.
Such, meaningless thoughts go around inside my head.
In conclusion, albeit unintentionally, my eyes end up being drawn to such breasts of Mai…….
Gokuri――.
Katou and I swallowed our saliva at about the same time. I understand how you feel, Katou……. Also, Takagi who can remain unfazed despite seeing that sure is amazing. They’re eyes that are purely admiring Mai’s figure…….
“Haa, still. Whoever manages to date Kanzaki-san sure is blessed huh……”
Katou let something like that out whisperingly.
“Haa, why?”
I tilt my head, wondering what kind of thought process I have to go through from the current sight of that fellow to connect to what Katou said.
“I mean, isn’t that so. Whoever manages to date Kanzaki-san, can do whatever he likes those breasts”
Katou, you…….
A guy, who’s dating a girl, can do whatever he likes to the breasts of that partner of his.
It’s a general perception, in other words, as long as you’re dating, you can use your partner sexually without any condition.
Dating equals, sex.
Katou’s words, to get straight to the point, mean that.
That’s how you think as well huh……. Regarding that point, I guess we don’t see eye to eye.
That’s why, I said this to Katou.
“I wonder if that’s how it is. Dating, is different from entering into a physical relationship, right?”
Immediately after, Katou rebutted.
“Although that may be so. If it comes to the relationship between high school students, it’ll probably end up with those kinds of things naturally”
“I can assume the『those kinds of things』that you say, is sex, right?”
I said it clearly so that we’re on the same page.
Luckily, there’s nobody around our seats. Our classmates went to have their lunch at wherever they fancy and still haven’t returned, the figures of the people in the class are scattered about, and even those who are in the classroom are chatting away, so there’s no worry about our conversation being heard.
Nevertheless, we slightly lowered our voices.
“!? Tha, that’s right. That――se……that”
Haa. I sigh.
“Listen here, Katou. I suppose there are cases where the physical relationship comes about as a result of the relationship. However, does the relationship between a man and a woman equal, sex? I think it’s incorrect”
Katou squints.
“Lip service huh. It’s rare coming from you, Amagi. In other words, is this what you want to say? A relationship between a man and a woman, by nature, ought to be platonic. A relationship without a physical relationship is marvellous……is it”
“Ah――sorry, Katou. That’s slightly incorrect”
“Hmm?”
Takagi hasn’t opened his mouth at all ever since it became this topic. With eyes brimming with interest, he’s just listening to our conversation.
“Isn’t sex between lovers, something to ascertain each other’s love. And yet, what we’re talking about is the goal of merely fulfilling a man’s carnal desires with the breasts――with a woman’s body, right?”
“Well, yeah”
Katou responded to just the confirmation part of the sentence.
“In other words, that’s right……. If a man speaks of love and touches his lover just for the sake of satisfying his lust――won’t he end up disavowing the unadulterated sentiment of love that he actually has for his lover, is what I think”
Katou stares at me blankly. ……hu, huh? Did I say something strange?
It’s inevitable to receive a counter-argument. However, it’s meaningless if my view doesn’t get through to begin with. It’s no good to just force it on him. I’ll listen to the other party’s opinion where I can. Maybe I’ll give an example. I think if I present my opinion on top of that, Katou will probably lend an ear to it rationally as well.
Hence, I ended up picking up the pieces instinctively.
“We, well, it’s that. If……. For example, even if Mai and I dated, I won’t handle those breasts with a lustful goal in min――――”
Well, I shouldn’t do something I’m not used to.
It’s a sentence that I casually said; however, it reverberated inside my heart.
“Mai and I……dating……”
When that time comes, I wonder if we’ll whisper our love to each other. Like how Musashi-chan and I did, in the dream just now.
Dating, being in a relationship, becoming a couple.
That’s right……, we’ll surely hold hands and go on dates after we started dating. Our usual silly bickers will tone down. We’re still a fresh and nervous couple after all.
I’m sure an entire day will pass in the blink of an eye. We’ll probably be reluctant to part at night, and we’ll have a little chat at the park we found on the way back.
And then, just as the mood falls into place, Mai closes her eyes. I understand the intention of that, so I gently place my lips on top of hers. A gentle kiss……one in which Mai’s plump and well-shaped lips and my lips touch each other ever so slightly.
It’s one of the methods to ascertain each other’s feelings. Affirming to each other, ‘You are the one and only that I love’. We felt delighted when our thoughts got through to each other.
And then……as the natural conclusion of that, we――.
We want to know each other more. We wish to feel more.
A kiss isn’t enough. Something a pair that truly loves each other desire next, an act permitted only to such a pair――.
In a space with just the two of us. We don’t need anything that obstructs us. That’s right, even our clothes. Without covering anything, we expose our true selves, our barest form, to each other.
Because an embrace allows us to feel each other with our entire body, it’s great. We’re overflowing with happiness.
However――we know that there’s more to come.
We know――the method in which the two of us can become one.
I suppose albeit clumsily, the two of us, who are welcoming that moment for the very first time, are promised even greater happiness.
And then we――――.
『I love you』
Such a phrase came to mind. I don’t know whose voice it was.
“Eh……o, oi!?”
“What’s the matter!?”
Katou and Takagi raise their voices in a panic.
The figures of the two of them that reflect in my retinas warp.
I broke out in a cold sweat, and it dripped from the tip of my nose.
“Zeeh, zeeh, zehii, zehii…………”
My breathing becomes ragged. My heart is pounding fast. I scratch at my chest because it’s unbearable, but it doesn’t get any better either.
Aah, shit. Even something like this is no good……!?
I’ll probably faint in due time if I leave it as it is. I’m going to start feeling nauseous as well before long.
This is the burden that I’m carrying, the symptoms caused by philophobia.
I end up like this just by imagining being in love with someone, dating someone, and so forth.
Even though I thought it had gotten slightly better since the symptoms toned down recently…….
“Oi, Amagi!!”
I heard a powerful voice calling my name.
“!! ――――Katou……?”
My best friend, he brought me back to this side――。
It’s still on the better end of the spectrum this time. Hence, I was fortunate enough to be able to return this easily.
“Are you alright, Amagi……”
“Ahー……my bad, Katou. You’re a lifesaver. Rather, I’m already fine”
“Your complexion turned pale all of a sudden……. This is, Amagi’s philophobia condition……huh”
Takagi muttered in a daze.
“I see, it’s your first time huh. Sorry, Takagi. I ended up showing you an unseemly side of me……”
I lightly bowed to my friend, whom I ended up giving quite a shock.
I get my still-frayed breathing back in order and wipe my forehead with a handkerchief.
“What’s the trigger? How do you cure it?”
Takagi asks me worryingly. I see, his body is weak as well, so he ends up also worrying about the triggers for other people huh.
“The trigger, it’s probably romance-related topics. I think the contents where I actually『fall in love』 are likely the no-go”
I don’t have any evidence myself either, so it ends up with such a vague portrayal.
“Hence, it’s nothing if they’re obvious jabs or whatnot. I often get teased by everybody that Mai and I are husband and wife, but I’m fine if it’s something of that extent”
“But, just now……”
Takagi’s worry has grounds as well.
“Honestly, I ended up imagining Mai and I actually dating just now. ……unintentionally, and carelessly”
Although it’s pathetic, I said it honestly.
“I see, that’s why it was triggered huh……”
“Yeah……probably”
“And……?”
Aah, I see. There’s the other question.
“How do I cure it, was it. That, I honestly don’t know either……”
“Eh!?”
It’s natural for Takagi to be surprised. It’s about a condition that can suddenly relapse, of which I’m about to collapse from even now, and yet I don’t know how to resolve it.
“I searched it up on the net, but there’s absolutely nothing on it……. I searched for it with the rough idea that it’s likely something like this, and the only thing that seemingly fits the description is the condition name,『philophobia』. The real world, really has an unforgiving setting”
“‘Real world’……”
Takagi gives a bitter laugh.
“I mean, isn’t that so. If this were an MMORPG, I’d be able to search it on the net easily, you know? 『Philophobia』, 『Debuff』, 『Approach』, I’ll search something like this”
Before taking on a boss-level monster that casts the debuff,『Philophobia Relapse』, I’ll definitely get a hold on how to resolve it. Like recruiting a Magician that can use Dispel Magic, or purchasing a large amount of recovery medicine.
And yet, in regard to the condition, philophobia, that torments me in the real world, I don’t know those crucial counter-measures.
Over there, the only thing I got out of the current situation is the ever so passive measure of, 『not triggering it』…….
“Well, it’ll recover in due time if I just leave it alone”
I said and shrugged my shoulder. At the end of the day, that’s the only way. I might recover unexpectedly by the action,『beckon of my best friend』, like just now.
“No way……”
I felt guilty for Takagi’s grim expression.
“When that time comes, I’ll call Kanzaki-san over. A curse is broken by the kiss of a princess, that’s common knowledge, right?”
I felt rage at Katou’s thoughtless words.
“But, well, don’t give up……Amagi. Don’t lose……go fall in love. The you last summer was, how do I say……. Sparkly, weren’t you. Irritably so”
My displeasure ended up losing its steam because Katou supplemented with such words.
Besides, if we’re talking about last summer……isn’t it around the time when I got along with Mai. I don’t remember falling in love or anything though……. Was I, that sparkly?
“That’s right, Amagi. I too will support you even though I’m not of any help”
I think Takagi’s smile right now is definitely sparkier though……. It feels like I’ll fall in love with your smile, so stop it.
“Is that so……. Well, I’m counting on you……, the two of you”
My friends are few. However, friends are not about the number, I think it’s about how deep the bonds are. And then, I have these two; two meddlesome bad friends.
“Besides, there’s that fellow as well……”
I move my eyes outside the window, and Mai is talking about something with the softball club’s bunch at the schoolyard, perhaps having a discussion. Whilst mixing in an amazingly pleasant smile occasionally…….
I take a deep breath. The traces of the relapse is also more or less clearing up.
At times like these, this window seat is the best.
A gentle autumn breeze, blew softly and reservedly.
I have, regained my usual composure wholly.
